i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
