So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
