I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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