I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
