please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
