I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
