I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
