and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
