im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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