positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
