My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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