1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
