the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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