i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
