that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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