I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
