Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize