This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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