Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
