Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
