please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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