I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize