just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
