I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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