Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
