So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
