Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
