so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
