Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
