I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
