just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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