Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
