I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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