Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
