I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
