I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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