I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
