Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
