I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
