spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
