I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
