Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
