Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
