Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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