I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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