I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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