Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize