Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
