This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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