I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize