The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
