that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
