both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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