i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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