remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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