If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
