drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Are we still banned from the library?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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