what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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