I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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