You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
