i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
