You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
