You just made me feel so damn special
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Is it because I queefed?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize