Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
