two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
