apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
